bienensemble

yep

ive just realized that i dont wanna age anymore.

i like being young and naive and
well yeah
:[

SO HAPPY!!!!! =]

aw man, i really miss my aunt. :[

i miss being at home :/

I CANT FUCKING STAND LIVING HERE.
fuck.

heart cooks brain.


apparently, i wear my heart on my sleeve.
blah.

grumpy mcgrumperson
BORINGGGGGGGGGGGGG!!
so fucking boring! 

i'm still in fucking shock about everything.
i still don't understand you.. how your mind works, i don't get it.
occupy myself with other things, that's all..



you were my everything, so.
this is a little hard, hahaha.  starting over and shit.
it's okay, i need to focus on today.. not yesterday.


fuck.

I want to be the surgeon that cuts you open
That fixes all of life's mistakes
I want to be the house that you were raised in
The only place that you feel safe
I want to be a shower in the morning
That wakes you up and makes you clean
I know I'm just the weather against your window
As you sleep through a winter's dream

Someone's eating at you
Wakes you up in the night
If you're digging the past
Who knows what you'll find
Read the newspaper print off the microfilm slide
And you're holding your breath for the rest of your life
Don't you love what is intangible
I have built this ship in a wine bottle
But if you knew who I was
You would never grow old

come with me, my love, to the sea.. the seaaaaa of love.
i wanna tell you how much i love youuuuuu.

And she said:
"Look, I've never had a dream in my life
Because a dream is what you wanna do, but still haven't pursued
I knew what I wanted and did it till it was done
So I've been the dream that I wanted to be since day one!"


hehehe

i woke up to roses today! ;)

let's see if i can arrange the words right this time.  i'm not that graceful as to how i connect the words that i choose to try and explain how i feel, so it never comes out right.  there's one thing i'll never be able to do in my life, and that is tell someone exactly how i'm feeling.  i've always seen that as a weakness.. letting people know how you truly feel.  i don't know, i pretty much just grew up that way.  i grew up not being dependent on others, learning that anyone can just leave you at any second.  don't ever let a person hold your heart, don't ever let yourself need someone.  and that is why i have this big wall between me and the whole world.  it'll take me years of convincing that there is only pure good in everyone and everything.  i've had years of keeping so many memories, feelings and emotions in, that i'm just not ready to let any of it out just yet.  i'm not ready to let anyone know about me.  i just don't ever let anyone in.  i guess that's just a big flaw i have, being so pessimistic and whatever else.  this "wall" that i have has fucked up so many relationships that i've had.  i'll admit it.

i wake up in the morning, knowing that i have really nothing to look forward to.  i guess my heart is still in the past.  i know it's not good to always be down memory lane, but i always find myself there.  i need to start living in the present.  i've always been the type of person to look back on things all the time, always thinking, always remembering your past.. i'm no one to look forward to the future.  just lately, i can't find an ounce of happiness in me.

i am who i am, and i will never change for anybody.  i will never listen to what you have to say about me,  because i know what you think about me is wrong.  i will never do what you tell me to do, because i have a mind of my own and i already know what's good for me.

i think jealousy is the worst feeling in the world.  everything about being jealous is so.. well, ugly.  i can't think of another word to explain it.

well, for a subject change, i painted tonight. :)  it's a series of messy, messy globs basically.  everything i draw and write is too precise, which is the complete opposite of who i am.  i am really just a messy, cluttered person inside.  i'm happy that i'm starting to write periodically again, it really does help.  sort of.  hah.  my heart just feels extremely heavy.

BLAH BLAH BLAH!

i love eric crooks :}

"Why is love intensified by absence?

Long ago, men went to sea, and women waited for them, standing on the edge of the water, scanning the horizon for the tiny ship.  He vanishes unwillingly, without warning.  I wait for him.  Each moment is slow and transparent as glass.  Through each moment, I can see infinite moments lined up, waiting.  Why has he gone where I cannot follow?"

i don't know where i'm going but i'll end up in your arms